I’m not one to be alarmist. I don’t want to strive for your attention based on fear. But, elder abuse is real and maddening. BTW, self-neglect is still abuse. I want to spend the following space with a few signs that all should know to have a chance to intercede sooner, rather than later. In addition, I am asking you to post your experiences and ideas right on my blog to share and help others. Deal?
- The elder’s voice changes when someone, in particular, walks in the room. This person could be an abuser and the elder fears them. It could be the home attendant.
- Loss of weight. The person is not eating. This could be depression, financial, dementia, etc… Also, check the fridge. Is it full? Look closer. Check the dates on the food. They could be years old.
- Finances. I could write a book. The targeting of elders by charities, in my opinion, can be abuse. Regardless of your opinion, if the elder due to memory disorders, is emptying their bank account, the outcome could be tragic. And unless you know of a special charity set up to rescue this elder after they’ve donated all their monies to other charities…, STEP IN.
- Chimney cleaners. Carpet cleaners. “Hello, Mrs. Smith. Its been a year since we cleaned your carpets.” Actually, it was only a week.
- Finances, redux. Sweetheart abuse. A “relationship” develops between the elder and someone. Could well be a home attendant. By all means, no matter how good a deal it seems, do not have the same home attendant for 7 days per week. This allows for a dynamic to develop where too much emotional power can get into the hands of the aide. Slowly, family is shut out. However, unless the elder’s been adjudged incompetent, you’re powerless. Split the shift four days for one and three for the other. “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.” -M. Corleone
- Remember, they’ve been independent all their lives. They may feel quite embarrassed talking about the issue if you try to bring it up. So, how would you know? Look for behaviors not untypical for dementia (rocking back and forth, isolating, sucking their teeth, talking to themselves).
- Lack of care. A caregiver is supposed to maintain adequate hydration, nutrition, medication and hygiene. If the person lives alone, its self-neglect.
- Finances. Did I mention finances? I had a case where it was the “family trusted bank employee” who drained the account slowly over the years. The family was managing the finances. But, this was a transitional period where part of the monies were still under the elder’s control out of “respect for her”. I first found out when the detectives from NYPD were interviewing her. This is very tricky. Again, the elder’s been independent all their lives. And they don’t want to cede control of their finances. Understandable. But, try all you can to get them to allow you to have access to the accounts. Best if they are online and you can peek at them to see if there have been unusual transactions. Do get a durable power of attorney. But, don’t stop there. Actively monitor the accounts. BTW, they caught him, the money was restored and he’s going to be living in “The Grey-bar Hotel”, for a while.
- Physical abuse. Need to be careful. The skin of elders is thin and easily bruised. They could be on blood thinner making very slight contacts causing bruising. But, check the nature of the injuries. Burns are highly suspect. Even accidental. Why would that happen. Bedsores (decubiti) are never acceptable. Proper rotation presents this. And they’re VERY dangerous and painful. Marks from some kind of restraints (belts, sheets, etc…). Slaps on face? BTW, this is another reason not to have one aide for 7 days/week. Its simply too much for one person to handle. Everyone needs time off. And this goes for family caregivers, especially.
- Psychological. Ridiculing. Embarrassment. Criticizing. Blaming. Ignoring.
